So Thankful

It's safe to say that this week so far has been MUCH better than last week. I poured my heart out to the Lord and my sweet husband the other night. Things were brighter. My husband graciously listen to my "problems" and just gave me a big 'ole hug and told me he loved me and that I was doing a great job at being his children's mother. Since that meltdown, I have undoubtedly seeked God for His wisdom and greater appreciation for my children. I needed a change of heart. The change is still is coming, but I can certainly tell it has arrived.

Sometimes, when the going gets rough and tough, it's easy(for me anyways) to view our children as a "job". Something that we have to "look after" until the next day, and start all over again. I found myself doing that a lot lately. I kept seeing my children, or their needs, as just something else I had to do. I was burned up and burned out. But, praise God, He's totally refreshed my soul and is slowly teaching me to ENJOY these days that my children are still babies. One day, in the not so distant future, they will be leaving my house, it will be quiet, and I will be sad. I will be longing to hear the pitter patter of little feet, see the crayon scribble all over the wall, and wipe a dirty mouth covered in cheese puffs. Yes... I will. I'm so thankful for the refreshed spirit sent by the Holy Spirit. I don't want to ever view my role as a mother as "just another task". I know I will have many days to come that I will feel weary.

Please don't take what I'm saying the wrong way. Every mother know exactly what I'm talking about when I say I was burned out. I'm so thankful though that I know and serve a God Who is so much bigger than me, and He is so faithful to supply my every need. I love my children dearly with all my heart and being. I want to continue in looking at them ALWAYS as our gift from God, that He has entrusted us with these little bodies and minds to look after and bring them up however He sees fit.

Oh Be Careful Little Eyes...

Today was definitely one of those days where I wanted to lock myself in the closet and scream to the top of my lungs. It was terrible...I'll be honest. And it was totally my. For the past two days, I have woke up in a terrible mood. Terrible. Why? No idea. Maybe hormones. Maybe the devil. Definitely because my relationship with Lord has slipped severely. I found myself with no fuse whatsoever, so every little thing Natalie would do, I would completely lose it. Totally. And like any other normal child would do, she picked up on MY bad attitude, and she had a bad attitude all day long. And so did I. Until...

"Oh be careful little eyes what you see...oh be careful little eyes what you see...for the Bible tell me so". That completely broke my spirit. I gave completely up right then and there. I fell into the dining room chair. Sobbing. Weeping. This entire day I had been yelling at her, being a horrid mother in my eyes. And here she starts singing this sweet song that I sing to her all the time. And for the first time I hear her sing it my herself. She added "Jesus Loves Me" in there, but it was perfect. At that moment I realized my foolish behavior, horrible attitude, and wretched human self-centeredness. Hearing my daughter's two-year old voice singing those sweet words was like Jesus Himself telling me to lean on Him. My day was not going to get better unless I looked to Him for peace in my heart, and to take away my feelings of self. All I could do was say "Lord, please help me". And you know what? Peace like a river flooded my soul.

Natalie came running into the dining room as she heard me crying saying, "What matter, Momma? Okay? Okay. I kiss it." And she leans over and kisses my knee. I sob even harder. After all MY foolishness today, she kisses me. My heart melts. And I kiss her back. I'm so glad the Lord speaks to us in even the smallest events. But He knew it was what I needed. As always...